April each year marks the World Autism Month, and as a parent
of a child on the spectrum as well as a provider of education, therapy
and care for children on the autism spectrum, I like to sit back and
reflect on some issues regarding the disorder, and help to build more
awareness among the public — parents, health professionals and educators
about one of the greatest health mysteries of our age.
One thing is clear, however, that despite its typically painful
impact on the families of children on the spectrum, autism does come
with some benefits. As human beings, we must look for the silver lining
behind the cloud, and I think there are a lot of positives that we can
find in raising and educating children on the autism spectrum. It is
important for parents and families especially to look for and hold on to
these positives as they weather the storm of some of the difficulties
and challenges that autism brings. Many authors on the subject
especially those sharing their personal and family experiences often
give examples of failed marriages, broken homes and almost destroyed
lives that have arisen because of autism. The shock and disbelief that
parents face when they realise that their children cannot perform at the
same level with other children — socially, cognitively and in terms of
communications skills can be daunting. But like every challenge, we need
to encourage ourselves to first accept the reality of our condition and
work dutifully and prayerfully to break through the clutches of autism.One way to make our journey easier and our load lighter is to think back and reflect on some of the good things that autism may have done for you and your family and your child, and use these positive experiences as a springboard for even more success. It is a lot better than living in grief or shame regarding your child’s condition. No amount of grief or anger, whining or complaining will help your child get better, so we must all stay positive. These are the kinds of messages and words of encouragement that our parents in our Autism Support Group in the Thoughtful House in Abuja share with one another, that keep us strong and focused on our goals.
One interesting benefit that we have derived from our autism experience is the closeness that it has brought to our family life. Once you have decided that you will fight autism to its knees, you find a cohesiveness in family life and a congruence on key family goals. It may be tough for some families, but many have forged stronger bonds as they battle together to take care of their children — like every challenge a family faces, autism can make or mar you, but for many families, it has made us — made us stronger and more committed to our families and our children much more than anything else.
Autism also has a humbling effect on people. Some of the people I know with children on the spectrum will clearly rank in the 95th percentile of intelligent, sociable and successful people in their business or professions. Having a child that is challenged with the very things that they excel in can be a great lesson in humility and also a fantastic lesson in diversity, tolerance and patience. Such parents learn to appreciate the diversity of humanity and understand clearly that people are challenged in different ways and should be appreciated in spite of their challenges. I even read somewhere many years ago where a researcher tried to show a strong correlation between children on the autism spectrum and parents with very high IQs (I am not sure that this theory has been proved).
Autism helps us also appreciate the growth of our children more. Working with them every step of the way. It is the ultimate test of parenthood and parental love — to wait patiently with your children, teach them patiently, and watch them respond. Looking back at some of the developmental milestones that our children have achieved over time is a great source of encouragement. Remembering when they said their first words, began to run errands, respond to their names, hold a pencil, write, colour and take themselves to the toilet and clean up afterwards are unforgettable moments. With neuro-typical children these things happen so fast that we take them for granted. With children on the autism spectrum, we savour each of these moments and are grateful to God for his gift of creation and life.
Our family like many others have significantly benefited from the lifestyle changes that autism has taught us. We have embraced a healthy lifestyle — changing our diet, avoiding harmful chemical substances in food and other household items and striving to live healthier lives. We wouldn’t be eating a quarter of the vegetables and fruits we eat today, and actively taking advantage of organic and healthier food and household products if not for the gift of autism in our lives. I cannot imagine the amount of unnecessary sugars that we have eliminated from our bodies just to ensure that when we seat at table everyone including our daughter eats something healthy and similar. The autism diets and lifestyle promote discipline for our entire family. A discipline that already pays off and will pay off even much more as we grow older by God’s Grace.
They say if you want to hide money in the house, hide it in a book — Nigerians and Africans we hear, do not like reading. Well, most unlikely for parents with a child on the autism spectrum. Due to the low level of understanding among the medical community in our part of the world, it is quite common for doctors to refer parents to the internet for help about autism — that was what my husband and I got after our daughter’s diagnosis about four years ago. Since then, we have purchased every internet device possible, and invested in a growing colection of books, resources and teaching aids on autism. Autism has helped us develop a passion for reading that may not have existed. It challenges us to broaden our thinking and our world view as we search for answers. it has even further challenged us to acquire professional skills and set up the Thoughtful House where we are able to care for other children and develop other autism therapists and interventionists.
Above all else, autism has helped us and many other children to provide real love to our children. the intimacy that exists between many children on the spectrum and their parents can even leave siblings and other family members jealous. The strong connections that you build with your child are very important in helping that child break through this condition. Parenting is about love, and autism has given us and many other parents an opportunity to love our children like never before.
Autism does have benefits, and I truly encourage parents to find these benefits and hold on to them as we journey together on this sometimes daunting, challenging, yet – highly fulfilling journey to heal our children.
•Barrow, an Early Childhood Educator, and Autism Interventionist, is the Director of The Thoughtful House and the Creative Learning Centre, based in Abuja. kemi.barrow@clcng.com
